Dear Micheal Bay,
Why? Oh my gosh, why? Why didn't you learn from the first one?
I have just returned home after the midnight screening of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen and I am just so disappointed. Unlike the first Transformers movie - which was silly but still fun and exciting - this one is silly, crude, dull, confusing, and offensive.
I don't even know where to begin. Before the film started, my friend and I made a list of everything we didn't want to see from the first movie: less comedy, no stupid robots and robot personalities, no complex story, more robot fighting, more cool. None of what we wanted happened. The story was just as complicated and confusing as the first one, but this time, I didn't care.
First off: Language, Autobots! I couldn't believe the amount of foul language uttered by not only the humans in the film, but also by the robots! Why does Bay/Spielberg/Writers have to give the robots such ridiculous personalities and dialog? And why all the sexual and crude humour? No one was laughing. I really miss the cartoon.
At one point, Optimus Prime - defender of the good and moral safe-guardian of life - actually says, "We should kill them." And then sticks a glowing metal sword through a defeated Decepticon's skull. Kill them!?! There is an unconscionable amount of death and gruesome dismemberment in this film. It feels very cold.
I am also surprised by Egypt allowing this production to film there. It portrays Egyptians as solely desert-dwelling, goat-and-chicken-raising nomads, and basically shows nothing but destruction of the glorious places in Egypt.
Speaking of offending others, there are a number of Transformers who portray offensive stereotypes. The worst being a couple of Autobots (the Twins) who seem to be derogatory black stereotypes, including gold teeth, the inability to read, and ..ugh.. horrible slang speech.
And what of the women? I was happy to hear the ArCee (from the cartoon) was joining the cast this time round. Sadly, she was on screen for 5 seconds and did nothing to advance the plot. There is also another female transformer in the film I won't reveal, but let's just say I was appalled and disgusted by her use. Unbelievable.
For a positive slant, the only thing I can think of is that there are one or two cool robot fights. But, as usual, Micheal Bay ruins them by getting the camera too close to the action. Shiny metal bits tumble through the frame and I can't tell who is who. After a bit, I don't care. At least no one got peed on.
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen has fallen for me as the worst movie of the year. It is worse than Wolverine...and in my mind worse than Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull - which is really saying something.
Epilogue - The Good: So far, this summer, I've loved Terminator: Salvation (for it's action and story), Star Trek (for it's fun and awesomeness), and Up (for it's heart, comedy and wonderful animation). Still want to see The Hangover, Night at the Museum 2, and Ice Age 3 - hopefully these won't disappoint me as much as Transformers did.
Clarence Doore, pulp artist
17 hours ago