Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Review of Transformers: Rise of the...Ugh. I can't go on. It's a terrible film.

Dear Micheal Bay,
Why? Oh my gosh, why? Why didn't you learn from the first one?

I have just returned home after the midnight screening of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen and I am just so disappointed. Unlike the first Transformers movie - which was silly but still fun and exciting - this one is silly, crude, dull, confusing, and offensive.

I don't even know where to begin. Before the film started, my friend and I made a list of everything we didn't want to see from the first movie: less comedy, no stupid robots and robot personalities, no complex story, more robot fighting, more cool. None of what we wanted happened. The story was just as complicated and confusing as the first one, but this time, I didn't care.

First off: Language, Autobots! I couldn't believe the amount of foul language uttered by not only the humans in the film, but also by the robots! Why does Bay/Spielberg/Writers have to give the robots such ridiculous personalities and dialog? And why all the sexual and crude humour? No one was laughing. I really miss the cartoon.

At one point, Optimus Prime - defender of the good and moral safe-guardian of life - actually says, "We should kill them." And then sticks a glowing metal sword through a defeated Decepticon's skull. Kill them!?! There is an unconscionable amount of death and gruesome dismemberment in this film. It feels very cold.

I am also surprised by Egypt allowing this production to film there. It portrays Egyptians as solely desert-dwelling, goat-and-chicken-raising nomads, and basically shows nothing but destruction of the glorious places in Egypt.

Speaking of offending others, there are a number of Transformers who portray offensive stereotypes. The worst being a couple of Autobots (the Twins) who seem to be derogatory black stereotypes, including gold teeth, the inability to read, and ..ugh.. horrible slang speech.

And what of the women? I was happy to hear the ArCee (from the cartoon) was joining the cast this time round. Sadly, she was on screen for 5 seconds and did nothing to advance the plot. There is also another female transformer in the film I won't reveal, but let's just say I was appalled and disgusted by her use. Unbelievable.

For a positive slant, the only thing I can think of is that there are one or two cool robot fights. But, as usual, Micheal Bay ruins them by getting the camera too close to the action. Shiny metal bits tumble through the frame and I can't tell who is who. After a bit, I don't care. At least no one got peed on.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen has fallen for me as the worst movie of the year. It is worse than Wolverine...and in my mind worse than Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull - which is really saying something.

Original Transformers cartoon. This is cool! Why not more of this?

Epilogue - The Good: So far, this summer, I've loved Terminator: Salvation (for it's action and story), Star Trek (for it's fun and awesomeness), and Up (for it's heart, comedy and wonderful animation). Still want to see The Hangover, Night at the Museum 2, and Ice Age 3 - hopefully these won't disappoint me as much as Transformers did.


Glendon Mellow said...

I liked Wolverine and loved Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, so I hope the trend holds true and I find this movie awesome. :-)

Raptor Lewis said...

Thanks for saving me from watching that garbage. I was actually hoping to see the second Transformers film, but I owe you for that review. I won't see it then.

As for the second Night At the Museum, I liked it a lot. It's a good family film that actually a decent story and lessons on freindship for the kids with some inuendos (sp?) for the Older audiences and the parents to get so they can enjoy the film. The First one was way better and funnier, yet the second on is just plain silly. It's not all comedy where the story is gone. So, for the second Night at the Museum film, I think you should still see it.

As for Ice Age 3, I would love to see that as I love to see Sid trying to raise juvenile T. rex. That would be hilarious!! True, it may be a little silly and inaccurate, combining what looked to me Jurassic and Cretaceous fauna, I won't really care as I just like the Ice Age series and love a good comedy and see the Dinosaurs. With Ice Age 3, I would feel like a kid again.

Glendon Mellow said...

Yup. Saw Transformers 2 last night and loved it.

Peter Bond said...

Glad you liked it, Glendon! I tried. Maybe I'll like the third one when it comes out. They are finally going to use the dinobots!

And I really enjoyed Night at the Museum 2.

Dinorider d'Andoandor said...

I haven't seen Ice Age 3 yet but I recommend night at the museum 2!!

I was about to see this film before reading this post. Hopefully Dinobots may help to change my mind.

Marianne said...

What?! You didn't like Wolverine?! I totally loved it!!! Okay, maybe for reasons that don't work for you ;P

I'll trust you on the Transformers review, though. And save some movies for when I'm there, I'd love to go watch some!

Zach said...

I hated Wolverine but loved Star Trek and Hangover. Felt very "meh" walking out of Terminator, and I look forward to Ice Age 3.

Initially, as in while I watched it, I liked Transformers 2, although the length was too much for me. Afterwards, after some thought, I decided I didn't like it. T2took all the things I loved about Transformers 1 and beats you over the head with them, but removes the magic. There are very few scenes in cinema that make me tear up and get chills down my spine all at the same time. One of them is when you see the Brachiosaurus for the first in JP. Another is when the rex busts out of his cage and roars in...JP. Another one is when one of the Autobots steps out of the swimming pool in Transformers (I'm getting goosebumps just thinking about it). None of that magic was present in Transformers 2.

It was all action, pointless plot devices, sequences they should have cut, bits that I can see why people would think they're offensive but I didn't really care (the Twins, yeah, they were bad), and Megan Fox trying very hard to have breasts.

She was an important component of the first movie. Not so much here. And what's up with Optimus Prime going all HENSHIN CYBORG at the end? SUUUUUUUPER OPTIMUS! And then all his new gear just falls off after the fight. What the f*ck?

I'm gonna blog about this, don't worry.